An Unexpected Gift

When Candace and her brother moved their 90 year old father Philip from Florida to the Boston area early this winter, their thoughts were to find better health care and to be closer to him.  After a short stay at the Newton Wellesley Hospital (NWH) it was clear their father wasn’t going to get better, it was time to “quit x-raying and poking him, and time to just take care of him”. Hospice was suggested.

Candace had done considerable research on nursing home facilities in the area but hadn’t considered the need for hospice care. They realized “they couldn’t care for him at home” and needed to make a new plan.  When the staff at NWH suggested Miriam Boyd Parlin Hospice Residence in Wayland, they weren’t sure how to respond at first, but after hearing what a wonderful place it is and the rave recommendation from NWH; they decided to have their father moved to Parmenter’s Hospice Residence.

Candace lives in Wayland and knew of Parmenter, but had never visited or included it in her research. Upon their arrival they were both instantly drawn in to the comfortable and welcome surroundings and staff.  This was the beginning of a new journey that they weren’t quite prepared for but found it to be more than they could ever have expected.

The nurses at NWH said Philip might only have a couple of weeks remaining. Once he was transferred to the Parlin Residence, he ended up spending 5 weeks at the Hospice. One of their first challenges was having a doctor assigned to their father to help manage his pain. This can often be a challenge for a patient who is new to the area.  Christina Della Croce, Vice President of Business Development was called over the weekend and helped Candace connect with a local doctor.

Philip was of the Lutheran Church–Missouri Synod faith. The nurses and staff helped to honor the requests and wishes of Philip during his stay at the residence. Choir members came to sign for him, a priest came to visit and give last rights, and special foods were requested. Friends, family, the priest from Candace’s church all stop in to visit. 

They found Parmenter Hospice Residence to be a “wonderful place”.  “It was laid out so nicely, with plenty of private space in the patient rooms, and public space that enabled all us to talk together and support one another.”  They met several other families who were going through similar experiences and found great comfort talking and sharing their stories. Candace found the volunteers “remarkable” and described a number of the volunteers in detail and found their dedication and level of caring to be absolutely marvelous.  The nurses gave advice on how to talk with their father, how to help care for him and to assure them the changes that were occurring were natural and part of the dying process. Candace’s brother was diagnosed with cancer during this time and found the volunteers and staff at Parmenter hugely helpful in accepting his own prognosis. Candace described the care of the nurses as “doing so many things that were so sweet, and so funny, with good humor, warm handling and so special.” There were many touching things the nurses did in caring for their father; one of the most precious was the ability to protect his dignity. They advised Candace and her brother to “just do what feels comfortable - make him comfortable – even if his requests don’t quite make sense”.  He requested all kinds of food yet couldn’t each much.  Philip shared his sense of humor to the end.  Laughing and joking, making funny comments with his children and the staff. He loved watching the birds outside. A very special volunteer at the Hospice supplies bird feeders and food for the birds on a regular basis. The feeders are carefully hung just outside the windows of the patients rooms. Candace brought in photos of her mother into Philip’s room and hung them all about.  She came in to visit her father one day and he said “he dreamt he was at the airport all night and saw photos of his wife all over the airport”.  The nurse said “this is a common thing – dreaming about traveling – the beginning of a new journey”.  When Philip went into a semi-coma, he woke long enough to tell Candace and her brother “I’m so glad you are here.  I’m bathed, we’ll have brunch together and then I’m leaving.”  Philip passed away 2 days later in his sleep with Candace by his side.

Candace’s said “I am just so grateful for the kind gentle support my father received”. My mother’s dying process was so painful and difficult, we knew we wanted and needed something different for my father. Finding the Parmenter Hospice was more than they could have imagined - it really was an unexpected gift.  Candace said her brother commented “I’ve never been so touched by human kindness in this way.  We live in a technological world, this kind of humanity is remarkable – it crossed all religions and rekindled my own faith. Thanks to the Parmenter Hospice – it has left us feeling much more peaceful.  Hospice is as important for the families as it is for person dying”.